just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
