she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
