My hand turned me down
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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