it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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