a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just googled if crying burns calories
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
