so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
