I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
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i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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