i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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