Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
