I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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