im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize