you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
