dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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