eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
