Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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