Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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