Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
