she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
