omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
