the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
