If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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