Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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