i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
