I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
