everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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