Me. At least after what I've been through.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
