Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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