My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize