Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
