Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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