I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
