'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
