I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
