i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
