My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
