so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
