I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
