so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
