Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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