your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize