You can't motorboat a personality
i wish my penis had a tongue
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
