I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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