man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
