You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
