Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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