porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
