i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
