Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
