I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
