Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
His nipple licking is glorious
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