Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
