Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize