Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
