I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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