Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
