chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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