you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
