so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize