Jerry, you need to find god
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
