We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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