her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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