so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
