I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
