Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
