I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize