hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
