Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
